Self-destructive

It's not that I like beeing self-destructive, but somehow I feel a need to be. I feel a need to drink too much, to take drugs when available, to sleep in a diferent bed every week or every day, to drive to fast, to smoke too much, to carry everything to an excess. Doing all this makes me hate myself. I was close to commiting suicide once. I can't maintain a relationship, after a short time with someone I get highly irritable which leads to both of us hating each other and at the same time, however, I don't want the other person to leave me.
Of course such a relationship doesn't work so I'm damned to vainly seek for comfort in meaningless one-night stands and alcoholic excesses.

on Aug 7th 2005, 15:30:59, Jay wrote the following about
self-destructive

It's not that I like beeing self-destructive, but somehow I feel a need to be. I feel a need to drink too much, to take drugs when available, to sleep in a diferent bed every week or every day, to drive to fast, to smoke too much, to carry everything to an excess. Doing all this makes me hate myself. I was close to commiting suicide once. I can't maintain a relationship, after a short time with someone I get highly irritable which leads to both of us hating each other and at the same time, however, I don't want the other person to leave me.
Of course such a relationship doesn't work so I'm damned to vainly seek for comfort in meaningless one-night stands and alcoholic excesses.


men are self-destructive when they find themselves beginning to suspect, but not yet accept the superiority of the female gender. a man who engages in self-destructive behavior suspects, but does not yet acknowledge the superiority of the female gender. so i say to you jay, seek out a dominate female and serve her totally and find your fulfillment in life. let us know how it goes.